Joy isn't a Mood--its a Practice

Joy as a State of Being

Every morning, Jenn and I draw a card and set intentions for the day. Lately we’ve been working with The Codependent Perfectionists’ Oracle Card by Alana Carvalho. (My perspective on codependency will get its own post soon—promise! 😉)

Today I drew Joy. The guidebook offers: “Joy, different from happiness, can be thought of as a state of being rather than an emotion.”Hmm. Joy as a state of being. I’ve heard this before, but what does it really mean? And if we look at it through the lens of codependency and perfectionism, does anything shift?

The most common definition of codependency centers on relationships with people who are struggling with addiction—lives organized around not interfering, not making anyone angry, or trying (usually unsuccessfully) to force sobriety. I hold a broader view: codependency can look like living in a way that keeps someone or something else more important than your own needs—consistently deferring yourself for others.

That creates an external fixation—looking outside yourself to decide the state of your own heart and mind. Pause with me. Take a breath. Look around at the beings and things: Are all the people happy? Joyful? Are all the things pristine and perfectly in order? Or do you mostly notice what’s wrong? (Watched the news lately? It’s a lot.) If we let the outside set our insides, of course we’ll match the chaos.

If you’re a perfectionist, you may not rest until everything is perfect—perfectly happy, perfectly clean, perfectly put together. If you lean codependent, you might feel like you can’t be happy until everyone else is.

Is there another way? Can we cultivate joy—not as a mood that comes and goes, but as a practiced state of being? I think so. Try shifting the lens to notice the little things that really are okay (and better than okay): a warm cup of tea, cool water, fresh morning air after sunrise, the hush of sunset. Sometimes it’s the email you were excited to see, finishing a simple task, doing the dishes and putting them away. An empty sink! (Yes, this makes me very happy.)

String enough of these moments together and you begin to experience a different world—and a different state of heart and mind.

What’s one tiny thing that made you smile today? I’d love to hear—leave a comment or send me a message. 🌿